I Do (not)

Marriage is always made to seem like the icing on a fairy tale life. Once you've got that ring, that's it you've been accepted into the land of " I made it!" though what you made is never exactly clear. Many years ago, freshly out of college and brimming with I'll conquer the world isms, a friend and I ran into former classmates while shopping. The two girls were so overdressed they looked like they had fallen between the pages of Vogue had been chewed up then spit out for being so fashionably irredeemable. They were pacing outside of a dress store in the mall, when my friend and I stopped to say hello the usual small chit chat turned into a soap opera. One of the girls was engaged and she had reason to believe that her fiancee was cheating on her with a sales girl in the store the were pacing in front of. Having already been thrown out of the the store, they were waiting for the girl to come out so they could jump her. The entire time this girl talked her chest heaved with attitude and her engagement ring kept slicing the air. She certainly didn't look happy. I made up some flimsy excuse to leave and even said good luck as my friend and I departed. The girl nodded and said thanks, thinking I meant her soon to be brawl. I couldn't wait till we were far enough to discuss the craziness of that situation, when my friend turned to me and said "did you see her ring? I wish XX would give me a ring?" So the whole cheating fiancee thing apparently escaped her, all she saw was the ring. She continued with she wouldn't even care if they did get married as long as she had a ring to show people.

Fast forward 5 years to me shopping at Macy's Fashion Fair for a sexy shade of red lipstick to wear to a party. The sales lady was very helpful and hooked me up with a bunch of samples and even taught me how to apply the lipstick and liner so my lips were in constant dazzling poutiness. While paying, I noticed a gorgeous ring on the sales lady's hand and complimented her, asking if she was getting married soon. She smiled and said it was a gift from her fiancee, he was going to get her another one to celebrate the 15 years they've been together. She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world, after 15 years of being engaged, you upgrade the ring instead of getting married.

Another 5 years later and now I comfort a friend who was to be married this year end. Her fiancee unceremoniously ended their engagement via text. She's devastated, most nights when we talk I don't know what to say to her or even how to comfort her. Marriage/love/relationships have never been alluring to me. Men at their best are props, accessories that tell the world you're not alone. A woman being alone is the biggest fear/insult, unloved, childless, un-womanly. I've had that tossed at me whenever I was being too bitchy or too smart, "keep it up and your going to end up alone." This is what my friend fears, after hearing about an acquaintance's recent wedding, she wailed to me, "that was supposed to be my story." What can I do but tell her that her time will come, despite being successful, smart, and pretty her life will be worthwhile once she gets married. So hold your breath and pray your time comes soon. I want to shout at her that any man that breaks up with you through text message is a roach. That his slimy personality is going to make some woman's life hell and that she should count her blessings and dance in her new freedom. She's like every woman I know, aching for marriage, a ring, the wedding. While on vacation in the Bahamas, one friend turned to me and said, this would be sooo much fun if we were here with our husbands. I was already having fun husband or no husband, the moment was now and I was enjoying it, why couldn't she?

Things are so different now, I'm living life on the side of the single and unmarried . Married friends have become a "we" I can't talk to them without being forced to talk to their mate. Attached friends are consumed by their boyfriends and desires to get engaged. I'm excluded from social events because my single status makes me the fifth wheel. I've heard, we'd invite you but it's ending late and how are you going to get home? umm the 4 TRAIN!!! When I do attend these couple outings it becomes "so when are going to get married and have kids? or my personal favorite, " I'm praying that you meet the right person and have a family, being a mom is wonderful."

I wouldn't get married just to avoid becoming like them! The only appealing thing about marriage to me is the sex on demand and someone to kill spiders. I'm enjoying life now most of the time and anyway, I'm on a diet I don't want icing on my cake.